She Haunts Me
by courtney-in-the-tardis
Summary: Donna appears on board the TARDIS, but she can't really be there. Can she? *Warning: contains major spoilers for series 9 finale of Doctor Who*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Contains major spoilers for Doctor Who series 9 finale. Read at your own caution. :)**

He'd paced around the TARDIS for what felt like days, when in reality it was probably only a few short hours. Since his departure with Clara the Doctor had taken to doing mundane things around the TARDIS to distract himself from trying to remember. Now, for instance, he was trying to solve a long, utterly useless math equation. An equation that just would not come out right at the end. He placed a hand on his blackboard and hung his head in concentration. Math muddled with a feeling of loss; two things he'd never thought to experience at once.

"Have you tried carrying the two?" a voice asked from behind.

He perked up and looked over the equation again. Amongst the mess of numbers and letters he found what the voice had been referring to. Carrying the number he stepped back and marveled at the finished product. He beamed with pride and felt a huge rush of accomplishment come over himself. But suddenly he realized, that voice had not been his conscious. Quickly pivoting on his heel he searched the console room for any sign of an intruder but found none. He even went so far as to have the TARDIS scan herself over. She found nothing.

Though unnerving, he found that he had nothing to be distressed about so he decided to go about his day without thinking of the strange voice. Well, not so strange actually. It felt eerily familiar. Could that have been what Clara sounded like? He wasn't sure. He couldn't be sure.

Settling himself into the library he picked up a few different novels to pass more of his time away. He wanted to get out and explore the universe again but his body wouldn't allow it. He was still grieving over the things he could not remember. One day he will be able to live his life again; but today was not that day.

He could feel himself begin to nod off half way through a Sherlock Holmes novel when he felt a presence in the room. Looking behind him he saw nothing and just chalked it up to exhaustion. Deciding to head to bed and get some rest he gathered his books and placed them on the shelves. What happened next was something he was definitely not prepared for.

"You put the Agatha Christie book in the wrong place, Spaceman," a voice informed him.

Noticing his mistake he quickly revised it, "Oh, yes. Thank you, Donna." After taking longer than he was proud of to realize what he had said he backed himself into the book shelf to look at the woman before him. Donna Noble was in the library. Except, she couldn't be could she?

"This isn't possible," the Doctor mumbled.

Crossing her arms in a sassy fashion she shot back at him, "I figured you would be a bit more pleased to see me. Especially given how we parted, thanks very much for that, Martian."

Stumbling over his words, "I am! I just," he couldn't quit staring at her, "how is this possible? How are you not burning?"

She just smiled at him.

"You can't be real. I must be dreaming."

Her smile dropped, "How could you say that? I am real."

"My mind," he pointed to his temple, "is playing tricks on me. You can't actually be here right now."

"What if I told you, you were wrong?"

"It wouldn't be that shocking. You've told me so before."

"You look like hell," she stated.

"Yes, thanks so much for that, Donna," he replied sarcastically rushing past her and into the console room.

"Oi! Where do you think you're going?" she angrily followed after him.

"I'm going to have the TARDIS scan herself for signs of human life."

"What for?" she huffed.

"To prove to you that you're not really here!"

"Do you realize how daft you sound, old man? If you don't think that I'm real then wouldn't you be scanning the TARDIS to prove yourself right? If I'm not here then there is no need to prove anything to me."

He glared at her. Real or not she was the same old Donna. Instead of annoyance, he found comfort in that. He wanted so much for the TARDIS to detect human life. He wanted her back at his side, running for the rest of their days. But the loud ding that sounded made his hope falter.

"No human life detected," he told her sadly.

She smirked at him, "Still doesn't mean I'm not here with you right now."

She paced around the room, looking at it up and down, "You've redecorated."

He nodded.

"Well, I don't hate it. But I do miss the coral."

"It needs more round things," he told her.

"They're in your," she thought, "third storage room. The one with all the Christmas decorations."

He sat down, "I knew I had more somewhere!"

She looked down on him, "Your face, there's something wrong with it. It's not quite right."

"I have regenerated twice since the last time I," he stopped himself.

"Ah," she began, sitting across from him at his chess board, "you're feeling it. Right now."

"What? What am I feeling?"

"The memory loss," she answered nonchalantly, "the frustration of knowing that there is someone or something very important that you should remember but you just can't. It feels cold and lonely. The sadness that comes with it, it hangs over you like a storm cloud. It's," she pondered for a moment, "like constant sorrow."

He arched a brow at her, "If you are real then how could you possibly know about my memory loss?"

"If it's in your head, it's in mine."

He shook his head fiercely, "No, that can't be. That part of you is," he wanted to say dead, "gone."

"Is it, though?" she questioned and waited for him to continue.

"Her name was Clara and she was my friend," he told her.

"His name was the Doctor and he was a daft alien but I loved him. Best friend in the universe."

The Doctor laughed.

"Are you laughing? Are you seriously laughing right now?" She asked, furious.

"I'm sorry!" he said wiping a tear from his eye, "It's just, you're obviously a figment of my imagination and I'm basically talking to myself right now. I just stroked my own ego!"

She looked hurt, "You're not talking to yourself you are talking to me."

He didn't know what to say.

"Don't I matter anymore at all?"

Despite not being as comfortable with touch as he had once been he felt the need to hold her hand. He reached across the table to place his hand on top of hers but it fell through her and touched the table. Even though the TARDIS confirmed Donna not actually being aboard, a small part of him was still holding on to the hope that if he touched her she would be solid. His already broken hearts broke further. He looked up to see that a tear rolled down her face. She seemed genuinely shocked that his hand had gone right through her.

Placing his face into his hands he sighed deeply, "Donna, I'm so sorry," his words gurgled as he continued to shield his face with them, "I wanted so badly to be wrong." He looked up and was baffled to find her gone. Her chair empty and no glimpse of ginger could be found in the console room. It had been like she was never there.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Two chapters in one day?! What? Sometimes I'm just crazy like that. *Again may contain spoilers for Hell Bent***

It had been a few days Earth time since the vision of Donna had come to him. He had convinced himself that he may actually be going mad because every now and again, he would catch himself looking for her. As if his ginger haired companion would somehow be magically dropped into his TARDIS. Well, for a second time. But, he could never get that lucky, could he?

He had contemplated landing today. Somewhere serene and exotic. Exactly what he needed; but he had decided against it. It wasn't time. Not yet.

So, he settled on tinkering on pieces of the TARDIS that weren't broken.

"She's going to be cross with you if you get too close to her green wires again," Donna's voice echoed above him.

Her voice startled him, causing him to bang his head from under the console as he scrambled to get up off the ground. He stared at her in disbelief. She was wearing the same outfit that she had been wearing a few days ago; a green sweater dress with tights and boots. And she used to mock him how about he never changed!

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"When did you get so rude?" she asked him.

He stalked over to the closest mirror and rubbed a hand through his hair and over his face. "You're losing it," he mumbled to himself.

"It certainly sounds like it," Donna quirked, "have you always talked to yourself this much?"

He whipped around to face her, "Why are you back? Do know how," he took a second to calm down, "painful this is for me?"

Her eyes became angry, "Actually, I know exactly how painful it is to be on the receiving end of the memory wipe."

"I didn't mean that," he shot back at her, "I mean to see you. My mind is playing tricks on me! Mocking me!"

"It's doing no such thing."

"Then, pray tell, Mrs. Temple-Noble, why are you here right now?"

"I wish I knew," she answered honestly.

He charged up to her and swiped his hand through her shoulder, revealing she was still very transparent to the touch. Her angry eyes flashed with hurt before filling with anger again. She backed away from him and crossed her arms protectively over her shoulders.

"What are you?" he asked, his eyes downcast to the floor.

"Again, I wish I knew what to tell you."

"Donna, you know this isn't possible. You know if you set foot in this TARDIS for real your mind would burn and you would die. Can't you see that?"

"Well, you've said it yourself, if I'm not real then you're talking to yourself right now. What does that make you?"

He huffed, "A fool. Because only a fool could have the slightest amount of hope that you aren't imaginary."

"Or a coward," she spat, "something the big bad Doctor can't explain. Are you too tough for hope now?"

"Hope hurts too much!" he yelled through gritted teeth.

"You want to talk about hurt? How do you think I feel? Trapped behind your lies and everyone else's. Do you have any idea what it's like to have someone refer to your mood as having good or bad days?"

He swallowed hard.

"It's what mum says when I feel so sad that I can't get out of bed somedays. I miss someone I can never have back! I know you know what that feels like too but at least you have your memory of them. Something to make you smile when you feel low."

"Donna," he started.

"No! I have the floor now, Spaceman. It's my turn to talk and for you to listen."

He remained silent.

"I should hate you for what you did, but I can't. Do you have any idea what that is like? You took everything from me. You stand in front of me, telling me that I'm nothing but a ghost to you and yet I still want nothing more than to take your hand and wander throughout the universe. How thick is that?"

"Donna, you're not thick, you're," he was interrupted.

"Don't start, Doctor. Save your praises for someone else."

"After everything we've been through you still don't believe it?"

"How could I? It was so easy for you to wipe my memories and dump me back on Earth."

"It wasn't like that! You know it wasn't!"

"Do I?" she asked, coldly.

"I came back and checked on you, more times than you know!"

"Yeah, in that incarnation," she paced in front of him, "but how many times since you stopped wearing pinstripes did you come and check on me? Answer me that, Time Boy."

Shame stroke his body and he could feel his cheeks redden, "None," he admitted in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry," she mocked, "could you say that a little louder for the rest of us on the TARDIS? Couldn't quite hear you."

"None!" he screamed, "I said none! None! None! None! Are you happy now, Donna?"

He could tell she was holding back tears, "That's what I thought you said."

"I know what you're thinking, and that's not it."

"Do you read minds now, do you?"

He shook his head, "If it's in your head, it's in mine."

She smiled ruefully, "You're mocking me."

"I didn't forget all about you. I thought of you, every day. When I saw a stranger with a funny hat. When anyone made a Barcelona reference. Whenever I hear the word Oi, I thought of you."

Her rueful smile turned into a genuine one. She closed the gap between them as she walked closer. "I thought of you every day too, Doctor. I just didn't know it." She reached out to take his hand, but of course it didn't actually grasp his. She disappeared in a cloud of golden dust.

The Doctor found this to be odd. The last time she disappeared there had been no dust of any kind; she had just gone. Inhaling some of the gold dust before it fell onto the ground he recognized the scent to be…..human? That couldn't be right.

Rushing over to the console he had the TARDIS scan herself again. The Doctor had never seen anything like this before. What could all of this mean? The console dinged to indicate the test was complete. The Doctor felt dumbstruck as he stared at the screen.

"Ten percent of human life detected," he read aloud, "What?"

The TARDIS hummed…..happily? It had been quite some time since she seemed to be so keen on anything. He had her run the test again, and again, and again. Each time with the same result.

He looked up at the ceiling, "What does this mean? What do you know that I don't?"

Suddenly a door flapped open with great vigor. Curious, since the door had not been there before, the Doctor walked across the console to investigate. As he approached the door he recognized the room almost immediately. Poking his head in all the way he found his assumptions to be correct. Inside the door lay Donna Noble's old room. A room he had left untouched since the day he was forced to take her back to Chiswick. Sitting on her old, still unmade from her last slumber there bed, the Doctor looked up at the ceiling yet again wondering just what in the hell was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying the story so far! Thanks for the reviews/follows/and faves. It's very encouraging. This story will continue to be sad for a while but I think some happier moments may be on the horizon. Remember to review if you'd like.**

A distraction! That's what he needed. A nice little distraction to clear his head and lift his spirits. Letting go of the blankets bunched in his hands he fled from Donna's room and skidded over to the console. He stroked it lovingly and set the controls to random. She seemed a tad annoyed at the change of pace but said nothing in protest as she did what the Time Lord requested. He heard the familiar moan and groan of her materializing onto a new destination and smiled like a child on Christmas morning. He'd needed this, something new and exciting.

When she landed with a _'thump'_ he grabbed his jacket and headed to the double doors, "Here we are, old girl! New world, fresh start! Let's see what the universe has planned for us now!"

Bracing himself he charged out the doors and into a cold, snowy environment. He froze, taking in his surroundings; he knew this place. Piles upon piles of snow covered the land and a beautiful song filled his head. He closed his eyes and allowed it to enter his mind and control his movements, it was the song of the DoctorDonna.

Opening his eyes again he whispered to himself, "Oodsphere."

Whipping around quickly he went to open the doors of the TARDIS again but she quickly locked herself with a loud clicking sound. Angry at her actions he pounded on the front door.

"You're my ship! You can't lock me out!"

She remained silent.

"Oh, so you suddenly have nothing to say! You're obviously up to something. You deliberately disobeyed my orders. I set the controls to random; it's not random if you choose the destination!"

"Doctor," a voice said behind him.

' _What now?'_ the Doctor thought, turning to face the Ood.

"Whatever you have to say to me about songs, I don't want to hear it."

"It has been many moons since you have returned to the Oodsphere, Doctor."

"I can assure you, the delay was entirely on purpose."

"What do you have against Ood kind? Are you no longer friends of our people?"

The Doctor sighed, feeling a tad guilty, "No, I'm sorry. Of course I am. I'm just a bitter old man now."

The Ood cocked his head to the side and blinked at him thoughtfully, "One would argue that you weren't young the last time."

"There must be a reason why I'm here," the Doctor said, ignoring the stab at his age, "the TARDIS wouldn't bring me here if there wasn't a reason for it."

"We've been singing our song, the song of the DoctorDonna. It grows stronger."

"Come again," the Doctor asked, "what do you mean grows stronger? Why would it grow stronger?"

"It grows as the DoctorDonna grows."

"What's your name?"

"I am designated, Ood Gamma."

"Ood Gamma, why would the song of the DoctorDonna grow stronger? Wouldn't it just remain constant?"

"No, Doctor. My people can feel it. The song grows louder every day."

The Doctor considered this, "When did this start? In Earth time, how many days?"

The Ood thought, "Five days ago."

Thinking back in his head the Doctor confirmed that, that is when the first vision of Donna appeared. But what could this mean? Ten percent human, how was that possible?

"Do you know why?" he asked the Ood.

"We do not, I am sorry, Doctor."

The Doctor nodded.

He needed to get back to the TARDIS. There were things to be done! Running back to the TARDIS doors he found that they were open again; he decided he would yell at her later. Before ducking inside entirely he hung his head out to address Ood Gamma.

"Thank you, Ood Gamma."

"You're most welcome, Doctor."

"Ood Gamma?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"What about my song," he paused, unsure of whether he wanted to know the answer, "will it end soon?"

"All songs end, Doctor," the Ood said, "but, sometimes not as soon as we fear."

He allowed himself to smile at that. He nodded a goodbye to Ood Gamma and closed the door behind him.

"Alright!" he exclaimed, "Let's do a scan of Earth, shall we? Locate Donna Temple-Noble!"

The TARDIS' lights flickered excitedly and she let out a hum that was much like a purr. The Doctor couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face. The TARDIS had always had a bit of a soft spot for Donna and wasn't afraid to show how happy she was that they were heading to Earth to find her. Peering at the screen the Doctor saw that the TARDIS had located her in London so he set the coordinates and confirmed them; after doing so the eager TARDIS tossed him around at her break-neck speed.

* * *

When she finally landed he hurried to the door but stopped himself. Was he jumping to conclusions? He didn't actually have a plan.

"What do I do when I see her?" he asked the TARDIS.

Warm air hit him straight in the face; her way of encouraging him.

"This is mad, I'm going to make a fool of myself. She's not going to know me."

The air was stronger this time.

"Alright, alright, I'm going."

Stepping out the front door he was surprised by what he saw; it was a hospital. Why would the TARDIS bring him here? Shouldn't she have landed him in Chiswick? Cautiously he stepped forward and looked all around him; nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Maybe Donna worked here now?

Walking into the entrance of the hospital he saw a lobby full of people and next to the customer service desk was a little shop. Man, did he love a little shop. Not really knowing what to do from here he walked up to the customer service window. The woman across the glass from him wore bright pink and looked far too cheerful for the Doctor's liking. She smiled at him, showing him all of her teeth.

"How can I help you, sir?"

In his opinion she looked a little too happy to be working in a hospital, "Um, yes. I was looking for someone. Donna Temple-Noble."

"Is she a patient or an employee?"

"I believe she's an employee, we're old friends you see and I was told I could find her here."

"Happy to help," she said, clicking at her keyboard at rapid speed.

"It looks like she's a patient, she's on the third floor. It says here that she's only allowed certain visitors, are you on the list sir?"

The Doctor panicked; partly because Donna was ill and partly because he wasn't on the list.

"John Smith?" he suggested hopefully.

She scanned the list and then smiled up at him, "You're on the list, sir. They must have known you were coming."

"Seriously?" he asked in disbelief.

She gave him an odd look but nodded, "Yes, says it right here."

"Thanks," he mumbled turning away from her and heading towards the lift. Pressing the button for the third floor he rocked back and forth on his heels nervously. Why was Donna in the hospital? Was it because she remembered something?

The doors opened quicker than the Doctor would have liked and he stepped out and into a hallway. He saw a nurse's station located to the right of him and approached the desk.

"Um, which room is Donna Temple-Noble's?"

The nurse smiled at him; seriously, were all of the employees in this hospital so cheery? "She's in room 314, it's down the hall there and to the left," he followed her arm with his eyes, "can I have your name please?"

"John Smith," he told her.

"Ah, yes. Wilfred Mott insisted you be added to the list. Her mother didn't seem too keen on the idea, though."

He was sure the color drained from his face, "That's not surprising."

Thanking her he started walking in the direction that she had pointed to. He had forgotten about Sylvia's deep dislike of him. He was sure after giving Donna that winning lotto ticket she would have least softened toward him a bit; apparently not. Approaching room 314 he saw the door to the room had been left open. Peering inside his hearts stopped at the sight of Wilfred Mott sitting in a chair, reading a newspaper. The now older Wilf sensed the Doctor's presence and looked up from his paper and stared at him.

"Wilfred Mott," the Doctor greeted. It had been so long, so very long.

"Yes?" Wilf called out, grabbing a cane from his side to walk over to the Doctor, "Can I help you, mate?"

The Doctor looked at Wilf up and down. Apart from now needing a cane to walk he hadn't aged a day. Same old Wilf. He felt the corners of his mouth tug into a small smile. He couldn't help it; Wilf always brought out the child in him. When he and Donna had traveled together he always enjoyed coming to see Wilf. It was like having a father again.

He held out his hand to him, "John Smith."

Wilf stared at the Doctor's hand in disbelief then looked directly in his eyes, as if he expected to find something. Suddenly he plunged himself at the Doctor, hugging him tightly. The Doctor, though he loved Wilf, felt awkward at the sudden contact. He eventually brought his arms around Wilf's back to hug him in return.

"I knew you'd come!" his words came out muffled as his face was buried in the Doctor's chest, "Sylvia said you wouldn't but I knew she was wrong."

"Maybe she was hoping?" the Doctor suggested.

Wilf shook his head, "I knew you'd come back for her. I just knew it!"

"Wilf," the Doctor broke their hug to look at him, "what's happened? What's wrong with Donna?"

Wilf frowned, suddenly looking older, "I think you'd better come and see for yourself." Wilf held the Doctor's hand and the Doctor didn't dare tell him that he wasn't a hand holder anymore. He just allowed Wilf to lead him into the room. He could hear the faint beeps of a heart monitor and the room had a strong scent of sanitizer. As ironic as it sounded, the Doctor hated hospitals. Wilf let go of his hand and steadied himself on his cane as he pulled the curtain completely back.

Donna Noble lay still in the bed in front of him. If it weren't for the slight rise and fall of her chest the Doctor would have assumed she was dead. The sight of her was enough to make the Doctor sick at his stomach. He never wanted to see her like this; any companion like this. He was so used to Donna being so full of life and now she just looked drained. Moving to her side he looked at Wilf for consent and as Wilf nodded he sat in the chair next to the bed and continued to stare.

"Oh Donna," he whispered, "Donna Noble, what's happened to you?"

"She's in a coma, Doctor," Wilf said, sitting down in the chair at the foot of the bed as he had earlier.

"How long?"

Wilf looked at the calendar located behind his head, "About five days."

The Doctor was sure his hearts had stopped beating. "Five days?" he questioned.

"It was the oddest thing. She'd been getting some headaches here and there but nothing too serious. She was getting ready to leave for her therapy group Monday morning when she just collapsed in the kitchen. I didn't say anything triggering. I don't know what happened, Doctor."

"Therapy group?"

"Yeah, grief counseling. She's been going the past few months."

The Doctor frowned, "Why is she going to grief counseling?"

"Oh, it has been a while since you've checked on her, hasn't it?"

The Doctor said nothing.

Wilf sighed, his eyes getting a bit teary, "She lost Shaun six months ago. Cancer. They didn't catch it in time. She's been having it really rough."

The Doctor reached out and took her hand. This isn't the life he wanted for her. He wanted her to have everything she ever dreamed of having. An adoring husband, children, financial security, and most of all for her to know just how special she was. He rubbed his thumb along her knuckles and closed his eyes, remembering all of the times that she took his hand and rubbed it comfortingly like this.

"Dad, I brought you some tea," the Doctor's head snapped up at the sound of the familiar voice, "how is she?"

Sylvia didn't notice the Doctor's presence at first as she was focused on her father but it didn't take her long to discover the strange man holding her daughter's hand. She studied him, not really knowing what to make of him. She turned her eyes back to her father.

"Dad, who's this?"

The look on Wilf's face would be what the Doctor would describe as sheepish, "Um, well, he's…"

She looked at her father harder until it all finally clicked in her head.

"No," she shook her head, "it can't be."

Not removing his hand from Donna's the Doctor spoke, "Hello, Sylvia."

She stormed over to him, got extremely close to his face and asked, "What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

The Doctor gulped; he had missed many things about his life with Donna but the wrath of Sylvia Noble definitely wasn't one of them.


End file.
